Gym rats

I wanted to share with you some the cast of characters that frequent the gyms I work at. These are not all of them, but the most habitual offenders.

Oblivious IPod man- This is the guy that has no idea that he is talking extremely loud because he is listening to music. “YEAH I’M DOING GREAT. JUST GOT MY COLONOSCOPY. CLEAN AS A WHISTLE!” This guy can also be the guy that passes gas and has no idea that people can hear him. Usually passes gas in step with his pace on the treadmill. That one always makes me laugh.
Spandex man- This one is pretty self explanatory. Hey buddy let’s go up a size. Nobody needs to see that. This guy is usually the same guy the wears a yellow jersey like he’s freakin Lance Armstrong. Disgusting.
The Sweaty Caveman- This is the guy that makes you think to yourself, “No wonder he’s sweating so much, he’s working out a sweater.” Then you realize it’s a tank top and he’s just really hairy. You do not want the machine he just got off of.
Tommy Boy- This is the guy that likes to use as much weight as he can on every exercise. He usually grunts, slams the weights around, and leans on the machine. He does all of this so you will look at how much weight he’s using. He is usually doing everything incorrect and likes to ask, “Do you know where the weight room is?” You don’t have to answer, he’ll check it out.
Stuck in the 80’s guy/gal- You can spot this guy or gal easy. The guy will have on those animal print pants that taper at the bottom, along with a Gold’s Gym sweatshirt that has the sleeves cut off and usually the neck widened. He is guaranteed to ask someone how much they bench at sometime. The gal will have leotards and or leg warmers on. She will be listening to “Physical”. Yes these people are actually out there.
The Count- This is the guy that sounds like he is in a Lamaze class. He breathes really loud and counts every rep in a shaky voice. “Wwwwwwwwwone, tttttttwwwooo…” This guy sucks.
Whatcha workin guy- This guy loves to find out what everyone is working out that day. He is guaranteed to use one or more of the following: pecs, lats, glutes, or deltoids. For some reason he usually has a headband on.
Funkadelic- This is the worst guy. The guy who has BO or left his sweaty clothes in the bottom of his gym bag over the weekend and decides they are still ok to work out in. You can spot him because his shirt will look like a road map with all the wrinkles in it and there is no one any where near him. Multiply the funk factor by 3 if the same guy is from Europe or a country ending in –stan.
Right Said Fred- So sexy he has to always look at himself in the mirror. It’s ok to check your form and all that when you are exercising, but I don’t need to see you putting on a most muscular pose there Ronnie Coleman.
T-Mobile- The guy who calls people while he’s working out. “No I’m at the gym! Can you believe it?” It’s ok, by law, to punch this guy in the solar plexus and ask him if you can hear him now.
Weekend Warrior- This is the guy that bathes in Ben Gay and or Icy Hot before coming to the gym. It is like working out inside a tin of Altoids when this guy comes in. On the plus side he cleans out your sinuses.
The Trainer-this is the guy that goes around giving crappy advice. "Dude you wanna get huge? Well, you gotta start eating caviar. No dude it's true I read it Muscle and Fitness. They say Arnold used eat it all the time."